Caught off Guard

When faced with the possibility of a worst-case scenario diagnosis, it has been the small things that have caught me off guard, bringing tears welling up in my eyes at unexpected moments....

We spent out 26th wedding anniversary in the hospital and managed to keep upbeat about it. Spending an entire day with my hubby -- even if confined to a hospital room -- was still a good thing. We laughed over my somewhat less than romantic anniversary gift to him of pajamas. He had requested them -- but they were bought and delivered to me for him! They were definitely a great improvement on the standard issue hospital gown!

We did a good job of making our anniversary dinner in the hospital sound much better than it should by reminding ourselves that we were having room service for this anniversary. We were making the most of less than ideal circumstances.

It was looking for an anniversary card in the hospital lobby gift shop that was my "caught off guard" moment.  Thankful that they even had anniversary cards in the gift shop I proceeded to open and read them. 

Picking up the first card, I read it, the wording making the presumption that we would be together for the next twenty years. Faced as I was at that moment with an uncertain diagnosis that could shorten those years substantially, reading those words brought tears to my eyes. 

Blinking back the tears, I picked up the next card. It was even more sentimental of the bright many years we had before us. More tears blurred my vision. Taking a deep breath, I removed my glasses and tried to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes before picking up another card. 

Lord, there has to be some card here that I can give my hubby without bursting into tears! 

I finally did find a card that stated all Matt meant to me without bringing  up a questionable future. A card I could give as we lived in the moment, waiting for God to reveal His future plan for our lives. God must have pre-ordered that card just for me.

A Special Place in Time

A dear friend of mine had been going through some hard times. I cried for her, I hugged her, and I searched for the right words of encouragement to write to her. God gave me the words.

This morning this dear friend sent me a big hug in the form of a note -- and a copy of those words God had laid on my heart to write to her! I am going to share them with you, trusting that God will be able to use them to encourage you as well with the fact that God has a special plan for each of our lives.

"My heart goes out to you for all that's on your plate right now. I keep reminding myself when I want to just wrap you in my arms and take you out of the situation, that God loves you and trusts you with all He's put on your plate -- AND that He's promised to be your all in all through these hard things! He's growing you to be more like Him. He's using your testimony through these hard times to strengthen others! So, feel hugged and loved ... just not removed from that special place in time where God has you. :-)"

When Our World Is Turned Upside-down

It's been a long week for our family. A week ago today my husband had a doctor's appointment I had arranged due to the fact that he was just plain worn out all the time, getting weaker, starting to get short of breath on exertion, and a few other symptoms. Something was definitely wrong. 

To make a long story short, he was in ER by that evening in need of a blood transfusion. After an endoscopy, blood work and a CAT scan at our local hospital, that Friday he was transferred to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester, NY. By then we knew he had veins that had engorged by an enlarged spleen, but no definite reason as to why the spleen was enlarged. We were also told there were two lesions on his liver.

At Strong Memorial more blood work, an ultrasound, MRI and liver biopsy revealed that Matt has liver cancer. The preliminary pathology report from the biopsy re-confirmed the initial diagnosis of cancer. We are waiting on further tests on the sample that take several days to complete to determine if the cancer originated in the pancreas and metastasized to the liver -- or if it really did originate in the liver. This would affect the type of treatment. We have an appointment with the oncologist at the Cancer Clinic at Strong Memorial in Rochester, NY on Monday, January 3rd. Our understanding is that at that time they will have gathered our options and present them to us and a course of treatment will be determined. Considering we only began this journey last Wednesday, they have been thorough and quick in checking into things. Yesterday, Wednesday, Matt was discharged from the hospital. Pretty much they were trying to get Matt home for Christmas which I think was a really good move. 

It's a lot to digest. The best way I can figure to pray is as our Lord prayed, "If it be possible, let this cup be taken from us -- but not our will, but thine be done." It may "feel" like this is all about us -- but it's all about HIM and that HE receive the glory through the trials He has entrusted to us. Our desire is for the cup to be removed, for Matt to suddenly not be facing this grave disease, for a miracle. But our greater heart's desire is that God be glorified through our lives in whatever way will best bring HIM the glory. Keep us in your prayers.

Stress-Free Holidays

I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are holidays geared for family time. They are just a day each, yet packed into that time between Thanksgiving and Christmas the average person (moms in particular) have this written or mental list that could scare the elves away. And yet, moms, unlike Santa, don't usually have a company of elves at their bidding to do all this preparation. The trick to stress-free holidays is to learn to enjoy not only the holidays, but the preparations as well!

The day after Thanksgiving begins the Christmas preparations in our house. Black Friday is when the majority of my Christmas shopping is done. My goal is usually to have it all bought that day, but goals are made to be adjusted.

That evening, or the next day, the Christmas decorations go up. This is when I usually call on my elves if they are available. Decorating as a family is quicker and easier. It's family time. It's memory-making time. And yes, having the boys bring up the plastic containers of Christmas decorations from the basement is much easier for me!

The next available Saturday when the house is not full of watching eyes is when I wrap the presents and get them under the tree. Stockings are stuffed and stored out of sight. This usually goes over much better for me if I've a large cup of coffee and a chocolate bar to set the mood.

As Christmas draws closer there are cookies to bake, a menu to plan, and a myriad of other events to plan and attend that take place in that time period between Thanksgiving and the end of the year.

It's a fact that the preparations and events surrounding this Holiday Season take time and effort. Yet if we can learn to slow down on the inside as we hurry up on the outside, enjoying the preparations as much as the holidays themselves, we'll find that stress-free holidays are possible! It's a paradox...but it works for me!