Home Again!

We're pleased to say we arrived home last night. It's GREAT to be home. We have a follow-up appointment on Thursday with the surgeon. We'll be calling the oncologist on Monday to set up an appointment with him. 

We were able to speak with one of our oncologist's colleagues Saturday morning, as our oncologist was out of town. He is definitely in the loop. What we're up against is the rarity of this cancer. Research is being done to determine the best course of action, but it's just going to take time for even the experts to sort this all out. This type of pancreatic cancer only shows up in 1-2% of pancreatic cancers, is usually found in young women, and only 10-15% of this type ever metastasize to the liver. This makes Matt's case a rarity in an already rare type of pancreatic cancer. Surgery to remove the primary tumor and metastasis is the recommended course of action with good prognosis. The presumption had been that the surgery would be a success, therefore now further research is necessary. Pray for wisdom for the doctors as they seek the best course of action.

We are so thankful for God's continuing grace and peace in the midst of great unknowns. 

Yet I Will Rejoice in the Lord

"Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation."  (Habakkuk 3:17-18)

Each day we have waited to write, hoping the next day would bring a visit from the oncologist, hoping the next day would bring answers -- but they have been slow in coming.It's been a time of waiting, a time to remind ourselves anew that we are waiting on God's timing and not on the timing of the oncologist. It's been a time to see God bring a calm and peace despite the lack of answers, a peace that goes contrary to our human nature.

Only God knows for sure when we'll get to see the oncologist, but we're told now that he'll be up to see us tomorrow. We heard him tell this to one of the surgeons who called to check into it for us. Of course, we've been told this before. But maybe, just maybe, we'll have news tomorrow night? That would be nice. If not, we'll re-write Habakkuk 3:17-18 to say, "Although the oncologist doesn't come by and visit ... yet I will rejoice in the Lord!" :-)

God's Ways Are Not Our Ways

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways, 

And My thoughts than your thoughts."

- Isaiah 55:8-9

This was to be the "victory message," the message letting you know the operation was a success, that they were able to remove the cancer riddled organs from Matt's body, the message offering yet more hope. Yet, as the verses above read, God's ways are not our ways. Upon opening Matt up they found the tumor by the portal vein had invaded further than expected, making the proposed operation impossible. They closed him back up. We are not yet certain what this means. We don't have a new prognosis. We have yet to speak to the oncologist. 

Is this what we had hoped for? Obviously not. Is God still in control? Most definitely. Isaiah 55:9 tell us that as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are GOD'S ways higher than our ways, and GOD'S thoughts higher than our thoughts. We claim the truth, even if we have to claim it through the tears of our human frailty. God has a greater purpose to accomplish through what appears to be a major setback to our human minds and hearts. We cling to Him and to His promises by faith. At the same time we covet your prayers as we continue down this difficult journey with God.

The Plan

We've reminded ourselves as we have waited that we are really waiting on God -- and not for a response from a doctor's office. Our waiting has reached the point of having a plan. 

We met with the surgeon this past Monday. The surgeon presented a two surgery approach. Surgery number one will take place Tuesday, January 25. During this surgery, the more pressing need of the enlarged spleen and the pancreas (which is practically one big tumor) will be removed -- and the remaining parts will be "reconnected" as needed. To ensure the tumors in the liver do not continue growing, they will either use radio waves or 'burn' the tumors to disrupt them. The second surgery will take place roughly three months later when Matt has healed sufficiently. At that time they will need to remove two-thirds to three-quarters of the liver. 

We plan to enjoy the time between now and January 25, realizing at that time we'll be facing the challenges of surgery, of the recovery time, and of Matt becoming an instant insulin-dependent diabetic when the pancreas is removed. We've been told to expect the surgery to take roughly 6 hours, for Matt to be in ICU for 12 to 24 hours following surgery, and for a total hospital stay of probably 10 days -- barring complications.

We've a long road ahead, but we know we are not alone. God continues to be faithful, encouraging us when needed, challenging us when needed, and sometimes just wrapping us in His loving arms and comforting us. He has also blessed us through so many of our extended family of God, through their prayers, words of encouragement and expressions of love. We, as believers, are most blessed to have such a wonderful extended family.

Next Step: Meeting with the Surgical Team

I was on the phone several times with the doctors' offices today. We will be heading up to Rochester this Monday, January 10th for a meeting with the surgical team. Discussing the tentative surgical plans with the oncologist could leave one wondering what will be left in Matt's abdomen following surgery. For the weight conscious among us, this has to be some weight-loss of an operation!

We are told that the tumor in the pancreas is quite large and the plan is to remove the entire pancreas. Being that the pancreas is what controls the blood sugar levels, removing the pancreas will automatically make Matt an insulin-dependent diabetic, but that is something we can live with. The spleen needs removing as well as the 3 tumors on the liver which, thankfully, are all confined to one lobe. The portal vein leaving the liver is affected and will need reconstructing. The oncologist wasn't clear as to whether this would take place in one surgery or if Matt will be facing multiple surgeries. I'm sure this, along with other issues, will be clarified at Monday's appointment.

Worry & Concern

There's plenty to worry about right now. I could justify throwing a party and inviting numerous concerns and worries to the feast. It's in my nature to worry. I mean, doesn't worrying about things help? 


It's been by an active choice of my will that I've not been worrying. When my mind starts to go there, the Holy Spirit, as the sentry of my mind, leaps up, swords bared, reminding worry and concern that they are not welcome here. He reminds me to "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)


When I try to handle tomorrow's worries and concerns today, He reminds me that I don't have to bear tomorrows problems today because "it is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him." (Lamentations 3:22-24)


So I've been handing all my worries and concerns over to God and feeling His peace undergirding me and holding me up. Then today around noon I called to get Matt's insurance I.D. number to pass on to the Cancer Clinic. With the new year we'd had a change of insurance and the Cancer Clinic needed our new insurance information.


Finally talking my way through to the point where I figured they would give me the number, I was informed that though our insurance was effective as of 1/1/11, our account had not yet been "uploaded," and therefore there was not yet an I.D. number. Asking more questions, I realized that meant we aren't able to have any procedures or surgeries that required pre-approval until such a time as we are "uploaded." The "when" was vague.


I felt worry and concern pushing their heads to the forefront of my mind and their strong clingy tentacles wrapping around my heart. That would mean they wouldn't be able to even think about surgery until this was processed. How long would it take? Would it take a month like it did with our last insurance? How long was it safe to wait on surgery? And on and on....


"Excuse me," I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit. "Why are you allowing worry and concern to take up residence? This is not their home."


"You're right," I conceded as I let them melt off and away from me. If God was big enough to trust with the health and life of my husband, if God was big enough to trust with our future, was He not also big enough to be able to trust Him to handle an insurance company? It sounded quite petty when put that way.


I took a deep breath. I explained the situation to the woman on the other end of the phone, letting her know I realized she wasn't in control of the timing of the insurance, but wanting to know if there was a way to remedy this.


She was understanding. She wanted to help. She said she would push it through as a rush job, but wanted me to realize it would still take 48 hours. It would still most likely take two days. 


It sounded like an eternity, but I reminded myself that this was God's department and not mine. She took my phone number. I thanked her for her help and for putting the rush job on it. Hanging up, I went back to my work.


As I was preparing to close the office for the day, the phone rang. Answering it, I was greeted by the Excellus agent. She apologized that she didn't have our temporary insurance cards, but sounded quite pleased to tell me she had our insurance I.D. numbers. I felt humbled by God's grace in speeding the process, in turning a 48-hour rush job into a 3-hour rush job. I didn't necessarily need a temporary card. What I needed was the numbers and those she was able to give me. I thanked her. I thanked God.


I could have spent the day allowing worry and concern to destroy my peace, raise my blood pressure, and wreck havoc with my stomach. I could have "enjoyed" their company. I am so thankful that our God is faithful to bring His Word to our minds, to remind us to trust Him, to encourage us, direct us, and draw us close to Himself. We serve an awesome God.

Tears of Hope

We had the appointment with the oncologist today. The final diagnosis wasn't a surprise. Every test, every conversation, had been paving the way to the diagnosis of Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer that had metastasized to the liver. It was not a surprise. It was confirmation.


What was a surprise was the doctor telling us that there are three types of pancreatic cancer when I had only read of two. He explained that Matt had a very rare type of pancreatic cancer. He emphasized this several times -- while I wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. His tone seemed to indicate it could be a good thing. 


He went on to explain that since it was this very rare type of pancreatic cancer, surgery could be an option. He will be presenting the case to the surgeons in the next few days and then getting back with us by Friday. The proposed plan, should the surgeons concur, would be to remove a good portion of the pancreas, the tumors from the liver, the swollen spleen, and reconstruct the portal vein -- giving at least the hope of a cure. I felt tears welling up in my eyes at his words, tears of hope. 


We don't know what Friday will bring. Maybe the surgery will be a go. Maybe the surgeons will say it is not possible after viewing the CAT scan and MRI. What we do know is that God will be there right with us whatever the outcome. Thank you for your continued prayers.