Caught off Guard

When faced with the possibility of a worst-case scenario diagnosis, it has been the small things that have caught me off guard, bringing tears welling up in my eyes at unexpected moments....

We spent out 26th wedding anniversary in the hospital and managed to keep upbeat about it. Spending an entire day with my hubby -- even if confined to a hospital room -- was still a good thing. We laughed over my somewhat less than romantic anniversary gift to him of pajamas. He had requested them -- but they were bought and delivered to me for him! They were definitely a great improvement on the standard issue hospital gown!

We did a good job of making our anniversary dinner in the hospital sound much better than it should by reminding ourselves that we were having room service for this anniversary. We were making the most of less than ideal circumstances.

It was looking for an anniversary card in the hospital lobby gift shop that was my "caught off guard" moment.  Thankful that they even had anniversary cards in the gift shop I proceeded to open and read them. 

Picking up the first card, I read it, the wording making the presumption that we would be together for the next twenty years. Faced as I was at that moment with an uncertain diagnosis that could shorten those years substantially, reading those words brought tears to my eyes. 

Blinking back the tears, I picked up the next card. It was even more sentimental of the bright many years we had before us. More tears blurred my vision. Taking a deep breath, I removed my glasses and tried to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes before picking up another card. 

Lord, there has to be some card here that I can give my hubby without bursting into tears! 

I finally did find a card that stated all Matt meant to me without bringing  up a questionable future. A card I could give as we lived in the moment, waiting for God to reveal His future plan for our lives. God must have pre-ordered that card just for me.

A Special Place in Time

A dear friend of mine had been going through some hard times. I cried for her, I hugged her, and I searched for the right words of encouragement to write to her. God gave me the words.

This morning this dear friend sent me a big hug in the form of a note -- and a copy of those words God had laid on my heart to write to her! I am going to share them with you, trusting that God will be able to use them to encourage you as well with the fact that God has a special plan for each of our lives.

"My heart goes out to you for all that's on your plate right now. I keep reminding myself when I want to just wrap you in my arms and take you out of the situation, that God loves you and trusts you with all He's put on your plate -- AND that He's promised to be your all in all through these hard things! He's growing you to be more like Him. He's using your testimony through these hard times to strengthen others! So, feel hugged and loved ... just not removed from that special place in time where God has you. :-)"

When Our World Is Turned Upside-down

It's been a long week for our family. A week ago today my husband had a doctor's appointment I had arranged due to the fact that he was just plain worn out all the time, getting weaker, starting to get short of breath on exertion, and a few other symptoms. Something was definitely wrong. 

To make a long story short, he was in ER by that evening in need of a blood transfusion. After an endoscopy, blood work and a CAT scan at our local hospital, that Friday he was transferred to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester, NY. By then we knew he had veins that had engorged by an enlarged spleen, but no definite reason as to why the spleen was enlarged. We were also told there were two lesions on his liver.

At Strong Memorial more blood work, an ultrasound, MRI and liver biopsy revealed that Matt has liver cancer. The preliminary pathology report from the biopsy re-confirmed the initial diagnosis of cancer. We are waiting on further tests on the sample that take several days to complete to determine if the cancer originated in the pancreas and metastasized to the liver -- or if it really did originate in the liver. This would affect the type of treatment. We have an appointment with the oncologist at the Cancer Clinic at Strong Memorial in Rochester, NY on Monday, January 3rd. Our understanding is that at that time they will have gathered our options and present them to us and a course of treatment will be determined. Considering we only began this journey last Wednesday, they have been thorough and quick in checking into things. Yesterday, Wednesday, Matt was discharged from the hospital. Pretty much they were trying to get Matt home for Christmas which I think was a really good move. 

It's a lot to digest. The best way I can figure to pray is as our Lord prayed, "If it be possible, let this cup be taken from us -- but not our will, but thine be done." It may "feel" like this is all about us -- but it's all about HIM and that HE receive the glory through the trials He has entrusted to us. Our desire is for the cup to be removed, for Matt to suddenly not be facing this grave disease, for a miracle. But our greater heart's desire is that God be glorified through our lives in whatever way will best bring HIM the glory. Keep us in your prayers.

Stress-Free Holidays

I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are holidays geared for family time. They are just a day each, yet packed into that time between Thanksgiving and Christmas the average person (moms in particular) have this written or mental list that could scare the elves away. And yet, moms, unlike Santa, don't usually have a company of elves at their bidding to do all this preparation. The trick to stress-free holidays is to learn to enjoy not only the holidays, but the preparations as well!

The day after Thanksgiving begins the Christmas preparations in our house. Black Friday is when the majority of my Christmas shopping is done. My goal is usually to have it all bought that day, but goals are made to be adjusted.

That evening, or the next day, the Christmas decorations go up. This is when I usually call on my elves if they are available. Decorating as a family is quicker and easier. It's family time. It's memory-making time. And yes, having the boys bring up the plastic containers of Christmas decorations from the basement is much easier for me!

The next available Saturday when the house is not full of watching eyes is when I wrap the presents and get them under the tree. Stockings are stuffed and stored out of sight. This usually goes over much better for me if I've a large cup of coffee and a chocolate bar to set the mood.

As Christmas draws closer there are cookies to bake, a menu to plan, and a myriad of other events to plan and attend that take place in that time period between Thanksgiving and the end of the year.

It's a fact that the preparations and events surrounding this Holiday Season take time and effort. Yet if we can learn to slow down on the inside as we hurry up on the outside, enjoying the preparations as much as the holidays themselves, we'll find that stress-free holidays are possible! It's a paradox...but it works for me!

No Hope

NOTE: The story below is a fictionalized combination of events that we saw happen while working with the Maquiritare people, who also called themselves the Ye'cuana.  

~~~~~~~~~~

Juan felt the sweat dripping down his brow into his eyes. The hot sun beat down on his bronzed body as he slashed rhythmically away at the brush. He worked alongside the other men from the village to clear a garden for Clemencia.

Slash and burn. They had been doing this for generations and Juan was sure they would do it for generations to come. He was a Ye’cuana and proud of it. He came from a long line of strong men, men who could clear out of living in the dense jungle, men who could make dug-out canoes that were in high demand by other villages up and down the river, men who lived by the old traditions despite civilization creeping in on them, and men who needed strong women to survive alongside them in a hard land.

Juan glanced over to where Clemencia was giving drinks to the other men. She was a woman such as that, a strong Ye’cuana woman who made living in a hard land look easy. Better yet, she was in the right family line to marry Juan. Juan hoped his parents would arrange a marriage between him and Clemencia. She was beautiful in the Ye’cuana way. She had a solid back and neck, thick strong legs, and endurance. She was a woman that would make any man proud. She had the strength to bear many children.

Juan was young, strong—and in love.

Clemencia noticed Juan looking in her direction and headed his way.

“Would you like some of my drink?” she asked.

“Yes, I want it,” Juan responded, reaching for the large gourd of fermented drink. He downed it quickly though his stomach rebelled as more fluids were added to the large quantity he had consumed throughout the morning. But that was the Ye’cuana way. You never refused a drink—and you always emptied the entire gourd offered you.

Juan promptly turned to the side and let vomit spew from his mouth as the drink hit his already distended stomach. That was also the Ye’cuana way. Clemencia smiled as she retrieved the gourd. Juan was a man.

Feeling young and virile with the world before him, Juan returned to slashing the brush. He could feel Clemencia’s eyes on him and it was a good feeling.

Maybe it was the sun in his eyes, maybe it was the sweat dripping down his brow into his eyes, or maybe it was that his mind was so preoccupied with thoughts of Clemencia. Whatever the reason, Juan’s reputation for having eyes like an eagle failed him that morning. The fluorescent green snake slivering through the brush remained obscured from his sight until it moved to strike—and then it was too late.

The strike was fast, hard and accurate. The fangs sank into Juan’s forearm and the feeling of the venom entering his body made Juan go cold with the chill of death despite the heat of the day. He knew all too well what was to come next—and it wasn’t the culmination of his dreams.

“Snake! Snake!” he yelled out a warning to those around him as he fought to not show his pain.

An uncle standing close by slashed at the retreating snake, cutting off its head in one smooth stroke.

Juan gripped his arm, the shock of what had just transpired causing a deep-seated fear to enter his bones. The men gathered around studying the snake from a safe distance. All agreed it was one of the deadliest in the jungle.  All knew without stating it that young Juan was facing a death sentence.

The pain increased as they walked back toward the village. Juan was already spitting blood.

“Wait here,” he was ordered as they drew near the closest garden to the village.

Juan waited, knowing what was happening, hating it, but accepting it. They would go into the village, they would tell his mother what had happened, and they would bring him his hammock. He would not be allowed in the village because they knew he was going to die. If he were to die in the village that would necessitate a move of the entire village. Death could not take place within the village. That was the Ye’cuana way.

So he waited for their return. He waited for them to hang his hammock. He waited for death to come. He waited without hope.

 

©2010 Rosemary Cochran

The Master Artist

Leaving for work this morning I was in awe at the vibrant fall colors displayed in the trees and shrubs. It struck me that here was the process of death, the death of the leaves—but it was beautiful. Only God could take what could be an ugly thing and make it beautiful. 

God could have made the leaves to turn a dull brown or black at the first sign of frost. But He didn't. He created a world of beauty. I looked in awe at the mixture of yellows, reds, oranges and browns meticulously painted by the Master Artist on His canvas—His canvas being the world. It made me stand in awe of God. We serve an awesome God. Let us never forget that.

Embracing Change

Sometimes I have not written because of writer's block. Sometimes it's been because, though much is happening, everything I would want to write about is of a personal or confidential nature -- and therefore not to share with the world. And sometimes it's been because more things than I could have imagined tugged for the attention of my free time.

Time passes. I get out of the habit of blogging, but find I miss it and wonder why I haven't prioritized a small amount of time to at least get a weekly blog on my page.

Life is like that. Life is constantly changing. New elements enter. Old elements often remain though sometimes there are subtle changes in their character. Sometimes that change is so marked that we find ourselves wondering if we should call them a 'new element.' Sometimes these elements take a sabbatical from our lives to return at a later date, and sometimes they permanently leave our lives after playing their important role.

 

These 'elements' include the people and relationships in our lives, our home life, our jobs, our responsibilities, and our extra-curricular activities. They also include our dreams, our goals, and our expectations. Change is inevitable. 

Often I find myself re-prioritizing as the elements in my life change -- and that's not bad. It is often necessary. Some dreams and goals become obsolete, and we must accept that. Some dreams and goals may need to be allotted a "No Due Date" category for an undetermined length of time. I've done that. Sometimes they have remained there for a few weeks. Sometimes they have remained there for over a year. 

Change is a part of the fabric of our lives. We can fight it -- or we can embrace it. We can be blessed by change -- or we can be burned by change. It all depends upon our reaction to it. I'd prefer to embrace it.

The Toy Box

The twins weren't speaking yet. Gibberish would be the best way to describe the sounds that came out of their mouths---even if they were convinced they really were communicating! Usually that was not a problem...until this one day.

I was in the kitchen making dinner and had sent our toddler twins back to their bedroom to pick up their toys. They weren't gone long enough to have completed the job when they were back at my side gibbering away about something, a something of which I had no idea. All I knew was that they couldn't have finished picking up their toys that fast. Like a good and faithful mother, I sent them back to complete the job. They chattered away in their own little language at the idea, but complied, heading back to their bedroom.

It was only a few minutes before they were back again, this time the gibberish being even more animated. They were definitely intend on telling me something and not sure why I wasn't getting it! Realizing that nothing was probably going to get done until I checked this out, I followed them back to their bedroom where they excitedly pointed out to me that there was a snake in their toy box! I'm sure they were wondering why I hadn't understood them, why I couldn't have grasped the concept that they could NOT put away their toys!

I did what any good wife and mother does. I quickly took the twins from the room, away from the poisonous snake, as I simultaneously thanked God for His protection and called my husband to deal with the deadly intruder!

I'm sure the twins were disappointed when they realized that one snake in their toy box did not institute a life-time ban from picking up their toys!

The Great Escape

It's been a strange winter in Central New York. We have escaped many of the crippling winter storms as they have amazingly dumped on the states south of us. ... Until the only day in a Central New York winter that I was to get a on a plane and head south for a few days of leisure.

I awoke to a beautiful landscape of freshly fallen snow. Surely three to four inches of white beauty would not cause my flight to be canceled!

Tuning in to the local news, I was greeted by reports of school closing after school closing after school closing. Any school I was aware of in all directions from our home was closed. A preemptive move, I reassured myself. A precautionary course of action in light of how snowfall south of us closed towns down. Surely this, in and of itself, was not enough to cause my flight to be canceled!

At work comments leaned to the negative, presumptions being that my flight could easily be canceled. Still, as I looked out the window I saw snow falling, but not a blizzard. My mantra continued: This was not enough to cause my flight to be canceled!

Leaving work an hour early to allow time for poor road conditions was the first slight admission to a possible problem. Still, I told myself, this was a precautionary action. I continued on with my plans on the premise that my flight was not yet canceled!

At the airport, waiting for my flight, the weather was beginning to deteriorate. The falling snow was turning to blizzard conditions. My husband faced poor driving conditions on his trip home.

Though my flight continued to stay listed as 'on time' on the flight board, flights around me were on, and suddenly off. If the weather would only continue to remain stable until we were up in the air flying high above the storm!

The weather conditions remained stable. My flight left on time with extra passengers on board, those passengers whose flights had been canceled and were looking for a different route towards home. Little did I know that I was getting out on one of the last flights before the worst of the storm dumped close to two feet of snow on central New York!

Ultimately arriving in sunny Florida I was greeted the next morning by news and photos from my family of two feet of snow in our driveway and of practically buried cars; of schools closed, not for precautionary measures, but because of roads still needing to be cleared of the massive snowfall; and of news reports of people being told to stay home and not to go to work.

Smiling from my sunny, snowless location, I thanked the Lord for holding off the storm until my flight left, for making my "Sister Weekend" a reality and allowing me to escape one of the year's worst winter storms!

Unwelcome Intruders

 

It was the voices suddenly lowered to a near whisper that caught my attention. In a house of rambunctious boys, whispers meant I needed to really pay attention.

Walking out of the office into the living room I was greeted by the sight portrayed in the picture above. The unwelcome visitor had found its way in through a screen torn the previous night by a cat refusing to stay outdoors.  Our eldest son stood poised, BB gun in hand, aiming at the unsuspecting intruder.

"Wouldn't it be wise to have a machete handy, just in case?" I asked as I scooped up our miniature doberman pincher in my arms, poised myself, but poised to make a mad dash for the bedroom if the snake moved from its perch.

They obliged my need for a back-up plan, but my fears were unwarranted. With machete at hand, Joe took the shot and the snake fell dead to the cement floor below. Another unwelcomed intruder disposed of.

Cash For Clunkers

Last year "Cash for Clunkers" was a big hit. If you took in your old clunker of a car you were promised credit towards a spanking new one! Not a bad deal...but there's a greater deal out there!

In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we read:

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

God has promised that at salvation we become a new creature (a new person!) in Christ. He doesn't just give us a credit towards becoming a new creature. He takes away the old clunker and GIVES us the new!  We don't have to pay a dime. It's all Him!

The government has offered a credit from the old towards the new! God has offered mankind a new and completely free replacement for the old! Which do you think is the better deal?

Navigating the Slippery Roads of Life

Driving to work on a snowy winter morning under slippery road conditions and poor visibility can be a challenge. Despite the beauty of large snowflakes falling around us, visibility can be impaired, our sight limited to close quarters, making driving a hazard. Slushy, slippery or icy road conditions add an extra challenge to the morning commute, a challenge that lacks any beauty to it.

Likewise, in life we face the challenge of navigating slushy, slippery or icy paths. Reaching a point of indecision or temptation in our lives, if relying on our own strength and not totally dependent on our Lord and Savior, we can find ourselves sliding out of control towards the ditch. We need to have the Lord at the wheel of our lives to navigate us through the slippery roads of our lives.

Similar to how beautiful large snowflakes can impair our visibility in driving, there can be snowflakes in our lives that in and of themselves are good, but that in excess can impair or completely obscure our direction and purpose. The individual snowflakes in our lives may not be great enough to  distract us from our purpose in life, but the accumulative effect can be enough to redirect us, possibly causing us to end up ditched and damaged. We need to guard our hearts and minds against even the good things in life if we find they are steering us away from an intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior. 

Let's drive defensively, remembering to keep the Lord at the wheel our life!

The Contrast

Most days go about the same. Upon waking, I walk downstairs to find the automatic coffeemaker has brewed a fresh pot of coffee. After coffee and devotions, I turn on the flat panel TV and catch the morning news & weather before heading upstairs to get dressed for the day. Ready for the day, I double-check  that I have my laptop, cell phone, and yes, the keys to my Toyota Yaris---which I love and my  husband loves making fun of it!---before heading out the door for the office.

On some days as I'm walking out the door of my nice home that contains all the modern conveniences that we Americans take for granted ... on some days I feel a disconnect. The contrast between my current life and my former life is so great that the one at times seems to begin to fade away. And yet I do not want that part of my life to fade away. I want to remember. I want to continue to have my goals, my desires, and my mindset tempered by a life far different from the one I now lead.

I want to remember that I lived in a remote jungle village only accessible by river or plane. I want to remember that I lived in a primitive mud and pole hut with a palm roof---and that I shared it with creatures that  I often times wished God hadn't bothered to create! I'm sure snakes, spiders and scorpions had a better reputation before the fall of mankind!

I want to remember that one outhouse is enough for a crowd. Who would spend more than the absolute time necessary in a palm-walled hut shared with spiders? I want to remember that the closest thing to air-conditioning was a dip in the river. I want to remember how it felt to live without refrigeration, without microwaves, without a hair dryer, and without internet.

I want to remember that one can live without and still live a full and wonderful life, that all the trappings (as wonderful as they are!) of American society are not essential to our happiness. I want to remember that it's not about what we have, but about who we serve. It's not about what we've acquired in life, but about a relationship with the God of the Universe.