A Move...

Due to some capability issues, Rosie Rambles On has a new home!

I have moved to RosieRamblesOn.WordPress.com. 

I'd love to have you follow me there! 

Please click HERE to follow the link to my new home!

No More Chemo

Habakkuk 3:17-8 (KJV) 

 ¹⁷Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:

 ¹⁸Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The cancerous tumors have grown. No more chemotherapy. The other chemotherapy options open to us hold less hope than the one Matt was receiving. We will continue with some of the homeopathic protocols we have been using, switching a few of them.

Leaving the doctor's office, the Lord brought Philippians 4:4 to mind: "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice."

It was not the verse I was expecting. Wasn't it a bit much to suggest I start rejoicing right then? My heart cried, "God, I love and trust You, but what is there to rejoice in? The hopeful treatment failing? Tumors having grown?"

God so graciously reminded me,  "No, not in your circumstances, but in Me."

Our circumstances may not warrant anything to rejoice in, but as Habakkuk so eloquently stated it, our circumstances are not what we are to rejoice in! Though our circumstances may not be something that calls for rejoicing, yet we can still rejoice IN THE LORD! We CHOOSE to rejoice in the Lord.

"You Are My God" by Nicol Sponberg

The daughter of a friend who is in critical condition shared this song. Be blessed by it!

What Will Next Week Bring?

A strange mixture of feelings dominate my heart this week.

Next Monday's CT scan followed by a doctor's appointment on Wednesday to hear the results is strangely anticipated just to know ... while at the same time I could wait forever to hear the results. I could continue on in ignorant bliss.

A definitely strange and contradictory set of feelings.

It's another milestone. Has the chemo kept the tumors at bay or shrunk them? Has God chosen to do a miracle in Matt's body and life by removing the tumors? Or is God asking us to continue to glorify Him through this difficult journey?

Whether we find next Wednesday to be a day of rejoicing, or a day of facing hard news, we know that God will continue to provide the strength, grace and encouragement that we need. We know it and we claim it. We cling to Him. Please keep us in your prayers.

In the Presence of Mine Enemies

Missionaries Martin and Gracia Burnham had their plans.  They were enjoying an anniversary getaway.  God had other plans.  Martin and Gracia were kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf terrorist group and lived a dangerous year on the run with their captors. Gracia's book is an open, from the heart account of the highs and lows of surviving a year of terror. Listen to Gracia's story on the video clip below. In the Presence of Mine Enemies can be purchased from Gracia's website at: www.graciaburnham.org

Our Witchdoctors Are Too Weak

This is a great interview promoting, not only Davey & Marie Jank's new book Our Witchdoctors Are Too Weak, but also promoting tribal missions. I've known Davey since childhood, and Marie for many years now. They are normal people who God has used in not-so-normal situations to reach an indigenous group of people with God's message of salvation.

The Challenges of Life

Life is full of challenges. Cancer is not the only one. Back home on Thursday after three nights in the hospital and 6 units of blood, Matt typed up notes for his Sunday sermon only to have his computer contract a virus on Friday. With the programs and files frozen on the computer, Matt lost all his notes. 

Saturday morning Jamie reformatted the hard drive. Then it was my job to re-load Matt's LOGOS Bible program, Microsoft Office Suite -- and of course to put on an up-to-date virus protection! Mission completed, Matt then had the job of recreating the notes for his Sunday sermon. Sunday's sermon went well. :-)

Tomorrow we head back up to Rochester for a doctor's appointment -- and tentatively for round four of chemo. Thanks for praying!

Back to Normal

Matt is home. I think that says it all. :-) He was moved from the ICU to a regular room on Wednesday, and then Thursday was released to go home. Jamie picked him up and took him home as I was at work. 

Arriving home after work, it was SO good to see Matt sitting in the chair upright, and yes, not in a hospital gown! His laptop was on his lap and he was working on a sermon for Sunday. Life looked so normal again. Thank you for praying.

Texting...

His blood counts were obviously dropping, but Matt wasn't ready to admit it. He wanted to preach on Easter Sunday. Still, the symptoms were hard to hide. As he lay exhausted on the couch we discussed what I saw as reality versus his desire. I told him outright that I wasn't sure if I should be listening to him or not, but that if his blood pressure didn't drop any further, I would try to honor his wish.

With our conversation over, I stood up and headed to the kitchen, texting as I went. 

"Who are you texting?" Matt asked in a strangely concerned and accusatory manner. 

"Chuck," I replied with a straight face, sure that I knew what he was thinking.


The response on his face confirmed my suspicions causing me to burst into laughter before correcting my statement.


"I wasn't texting Chuck. I was texting Jamie."


Chuck is our EMT friend and you could just see Matt's brain whirring, figuring I was texting for backup!

Mocha, the Competition

Matt has developed a dislike of having his blood checked, having an unfortunately realistic fear that he'll end up in the hospital for more days than he cares for. We were at the stage of his trying to convince me to hold off on calling the doctor, knowing the doctor would most likely send him to the ER.

On this particular day we were relaxing on the couch. Mocha, my Jack Russell Terrier, was stretched out between us and Matt was giving her lots of attention. I leaned in on Matt. 

"How come Mocha's getting all the attention and not me?" I asked with a mischievous smile.

"Mocha's not trying to send me to the hospital," came Matt's quick teasing response.

"Mocha's not trying to save your life!" I responded just as quickly.   

I was rewarded with attention. 

Home Tomorrow?

Another long day. I spent the first half at work and the second half at the hospital. The endoscopy went fine. No current bleeding was revealed. Matt's blood counts are creeping up. They're hoping one more unit of blood, for a total of 6 units, will bring it to the 'at least acceptable' range. If it gets there and stays there, Matt could come home tomorrow (Wednesday)! That would be SO nice! :-)

An Easter to Remember

This was an Easter to remember. My folks visited Thursday through Saturday, joining us for the Good Friday service at our church. As always, we had a great time with them. By the time they left on Saturday, Matt had admitted to experiencing the signs of a low blood count ... but the preacher in him wanted to get through Sunday first, to be able to preach for the Easter service! I told him I wasn't sure if I really should be listening to him, but if his blood pressure didn't drop too low, I would try to honor his wish.

My check list for Saturday was contradictory at the least: Laundry. Check. Change sheets on the guest bed for missionary guests (Saturday night - Monday morning). Check. Out for coffee with my daughter-in-law. Check. Preparations for Easter brunch at church. Check. Preparations for Easter dinner at our house for sixteen people. Check. Add clothes to the always partially ready "emergency" suitcase. Check. 

What? Yes, you got that right. Preparing for a crowd while preparing to take off at a moment's notice. Contradictory? Yes. Abnormal? Probably not, at least not for us. It's our life right now. You make plans and continue on with life, ready at a moment's notice for it all to change.

By Monday he was in the ER with the lowest blood count I've seen him with yet. He shouldn't have been standing the day before. The prayers of the saints had to have been holding Matt upright and able to preach on Sunday.

After eight hours at work following his progress through the ER by phone, and then four hours at the hospital, I was exhausted by the time I arrived home last night and ready for a good night's sleep. Matt was settled in the ICU when I left, receiving a life-giving blood transfusion. He was stable and in good hands. 

What will today bring? I'm not sure. I do know God gave me a refreshing night's sleep, though I don't even know yet if I'm headed to work first or the hospital. God knows and that's enough for me. Thanks for your continued prayers.

Round Two of Chemo

We entered the next round of chemotherapy a little gun-shy. Would it put Matt back in the hospital for another five days? Due to the fact that Matt's blood counts had started dropping before the first chemo treatment, we weren't necessarily placing the blame for the dramatic drop in his blood counts on the chemo itself. Of course, the chemo probably accentuated the problem. So we entered the next round of chemotherapy, pretty much considering it to be the test week.

Thankfully, the second round of chemo was much less dramatic than the first. After the three days of chemo, Matt wasn't suddenly experiencing low blood count symptoms. We counted that a blessing. A few more days passed and I found myself practically grinning when we could count this hurdle as clearly passed over. It did not lead up to a five day hospitalization. The side effects were minimal -- especially when you compare them to the the long list of horrendous things you need to watch for!

Two treatments down. Two to go. Then a CT Scan to determine if the chemotherapy has shrunk the tumors or held them at bay (both good outcomes!) -- or if the tumors continue to grow despite the chemo.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Home Again!

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,
 And He delights in his way."
(Psalm 37:23 NKJV)

Pulling up to the driveway yesterday afternoon after work, it was so good to see Matt standing outside with his brothers checking out the used boat and motor his brother had just purchased. Being a typical male, his brother was sure this would cheer Matt up. He was probably right. For me, seeing Matt upright and at home was enough to bring cheer to my heart.

Do we have answers? Not really. We know where the problem isn't -- but we don't know what actually caused the drop in Matt's blood counts. For now, he's stable and back home with us. We'll count our blessings.

On Friday more blood work will be completed in an attempt to determine if possibly the problem is that Matt is not making enough red blood cells.  Monday we head back up to Rochester to see the oncologist for a re-evaluation after this most recent hospitalization. It's still unclear whether his counts will permit him to have the second round of chemo previously scheduled for that day.

Our days may feel uncertain, and rightly so. We never know what the next day or week will bring. One thing that is unchangeable is our God to whom we cling. He is in control. He has ordered the steps that we are walking in. Proverbs 3:5 tells us to trust in the LORD with all our heart -- and not to lean on our own understanding. We don't have to understand. We don't have to know what tomorrow may bring. We just need to keep trusting in our most trustworthy Heavenly Father.

Fighting Fear with Joy!

This young Canadian living in Japan during these horrific days explains why she's back at the school working. A quote in her blog from "Suheir Hammad: Poems of war, peace, women, power" reads as follows: 

"She tells stories about the supposedly powerless women who fight in their own way; beating their fear by going on with normal life and finding something to give them joy. Doing simple things like keeping a music school open no matter how dangerous the situation is, that's how these women kept their souls alive during horrible times."

http://hezcultureshock.blogspot.com/2011/03/fighting-fear-with-joy.html

Good News Despite the Lack of Answers!

A quick update. Thanks for praying! Matt's white blood cells stayed up. He had the colonoscopy early this afternoon, and we finally saw the doctor about 7:30 tonight. The lower GI tract is clear. There was nothing to explain the low blood counts. The doctor explained the next step clearly. It made total sense to me for about a minute, but my brain cells aren't functioning up to par and when I went back over it in my mind there was a definite loss of understanding. There is something about Matt being hospitalized that leaves me exhausted! My brain doesn't function so well when it's exhausted! But, like many things in life, I don't need to understand them all. What I remember is enough for now. No iron supplements through Friday. More tests on Friday to determine if the problem is that he's not making enough red blood cells. The good news is his blood counts stayed up after last night's blood transfusion. The great news is that he comes home tomorrow. :-)

Our Newest Challenge

Three days, seven units of blood, and an endoscopy later, we still have no definite answers. We do know Matt's upper GI tract is clear. Tomorrow he is slated for a colonoscopy to determine if the problem lies in the lower GI tract -- as long as his white blood count is high enough. Presently it is too low. 

I left him tonight with this gallon container of laxative sitting on the table beside him in preparation for tomorrow's colonoscopy. That would look daunting to me just to drink if it were just water -- and he was to get as much down as possible before midnight! 

Later they will be giving yet another blood transfusion in an attempt to boost his white blood cell count high enough to even be able to have the colonoscopy.

So there's our newest challenge. Matt is preparing for a test that will have to be canceled if they can't get his white blood cell count high enough. Please pray!

Buy a Great Book -- Proceeds go to Dale Shaylor's Liver Transplant!

Earlier, I have written about Dale Shaylor, who used to fly for us in Venezuela. He is in desperate need of a liver transplant, but cannot get on the registry until he raises more funds. Mike Dawson, also a missionary in Venezuela, has written two books, "Growing up Yanomamö" and "I Can See the Shore." He will donate the profit from all book sales sold through their website for the next two months towards Dale's transplant. His books are excellent. If you are interested in purchasing any, go to http://www.mpaviation.org/store-2/.

          

Mission Padamo Aviation

www.mpaviation.org

Last week, we were very disappointed to get the word that our fuel barge had sunk losing all materials and fuel on board. Our biggest worry was the fuel, which up here, is almost impossible to get as it is, then to lose it before we got it up here, was just very frustrating.

Another Turn In the Road

The exhausted worn-out feeling was joined by a new symptom, that of being lightheaded. Given the fact that Matt's blood counts had been lower than expected this past Monday, we had been instructed to call if any signs of anemia appeared. Whether this was anemia or chemo related symptoms was uncertain, so blood tests were ordered. With the results showing that his blood count had dropped another 6 points since Monday, he was soon in the ER, and then admitted to the Auburn hospital.

That's where I left him late this evening. He was hooked up to monitors, special wraps on his leg kept the blood circulating, and they were to arrive shortly to begin a blood transfusion. Despite all the wires, he was still my smiling cheerful hubby.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

One Down...

The first treatment of chemo is over. One down, three more treatments to go at two week intervals before the next CT scan. I'm not sure who was more pleased after the nurse came by to disconnect the needle, pouch and tubing -- Matt or Mocha. Mocha is my Jack Russell Terrier who routinely rejects me for Matt!  

Knowing Matt's phobia for needles, I know he is thrilled to KNOW the needle is no longer in his chest -- especially one that felt like it was being stabbed right into his heart! At least that's how he described it. Having watched the nurse take the needle, and yes, stab it into the medi-port which was surgically placed under Matt's skin above the heart, well, I couldn't exactly argue the statement!

But remember Mocha -- my Jack Russell Terrier who routinely rejects me for Matt -- well she is definitely pleased to no longer having Matt cautiously keeping her away from all the hoses and connections. Presently Matt is stretched out on the couch watching old reruns with Mocha happily snuggled up to him. They look quite content.

Considering the toxicity of the treatment, Matt is feeling remarkably well after this first treatment. He's experienced only minor side effects thus far -- though admittedly his energy and strength is a bit zapped. Yes, that explains the stretched out on the couch watching old reruns with Mocha. Mostly right now we're just thankful for how well he is feeling. What a blessing.